Is your youth athlete developing or just participating? Some would say if they are participating they are developing. That isn’t the case if your coach doesn’t have a development plan. My son and daughter just finished their school basketball seasons and how different were they!  One of them, participated in two practices a week, the other practiced, five days a week. Which one do you think developed more? …. The one who practiced two days a week. – why – because the coach had a development plan for each athlete and for the team. Research shows that athletes are not born but they are indeed developed.

Just coming off a conference for work, I heard over and over from some pretty brilliant marketers that planning should happen in every facet of the work I do, so holds true for our lives. Whether you are participating in youth sports or trying to create the latest and greatest website for your customers, a plan has to be developed.

As a parents of two youth athletes, we have plans. No they aren’t plans to see our kids in the NFL, or WNBA, or Olympic Games. Although that would be great!  We have to plan for them to continue to develop so they have a base to take into every athletic experience they encounter. I have said here before that sports mirrors life and great life lessons can be learned in participation. So why wouldn’t we create a plan that allowed them to get the most of their experience.

Unfortunatley, we can’t control who gets chosen to coach. But we can chose to supplment that coaching with our own plan, one that doesn’t undermine the coach or take away from the time they do have with the team. Sometimes the plan should include off-court, or off the field work such as confidence building, trust, respect, research. Same holds true for our real working lives. We need to keep developing those attributes and more. So, next time you say to yourself, this coach or this boss isn’t very good. Remember, you do have it in your control to develop your own, off court plan for youth athlete and for yourself.

Wow – the love of the game.  The love of others, the love of something.  If we love our spouse, children, family we sacrifice. If we love our jobs we sacrifice hours away from our families for important business meetings or on the other side, if we love our employees we may just sacrifice driving around in that Lexus to give them a small significant raise for their hard work.  Or as parents we may sacrifice watching a favorite TV show or paying bills to listen to our children’s day.

As an athlete we often times have to sacrifice our time at bat, our position on the field or even as professionals sacrifice comes into play.  Professional athletes have sacrificed their bodies and played injured for success. However, I am not suggesting youth athletes do this – that would be wrong.  But professional athletes have taken sacrifice to its greatest degree for a long time.  Take for example, Pat Tillman, the former Arizona Cardinal and more importantly United States Army Soldier.  He sacrificed his love for football for the United States. In fact Tillman gave the ultimate sacrifice of his life to his country.  Jerry Rice, NFL football Hall of Fame inductee, is known for his sacrifice to team.  Rice, had and probably still has a relentless work ethic.  He sacrifice is chronicled pretty heavily on the internet.  Not the strongest or the fastest but his work ethic and sacrifice of time to pursue being the best makes him one of the most respected former NFL football players to ever play in the league.   Sacrifice is hard — most of us had probably had to sacrifice over and over.  Some of us, well we don’t – we all have run into people like that.  But as a parent, as a coach and as a professional I am willing to sacrifice for “my game” the game of life.

Chemistry – so important both in sports and in life.  Sure the low hanging fruit is chemistry in our marriages or significant relationships… that is a given… but chemistry amongst a team regardless if that team is on the field or in the boardroom is vital to the success of a group that has one common goal.  That goal more than likely is winning or getting the next client.  I have witnessed how poor chemistry can really ruin the team concept.  Often times in youth sports you get a group of kids who have played with each other over the course of a few years and just seem to have a comfort level with those particular kids and then comes the new kid and well – the particular group doesn’t really feel compelled to bring him or her into the fold.  This can ruin a talented group of kids chances at having a winning season, or even the opportunity to develop and learn.    Because of their familiarity with others, the chemistry never really builds as a unit and the team is left with a void.  A good coach will notice this nuance and will work to create a chemistry amongst his/her team, often times with great success.  People are creatures of habit – no doubt – but as human beings we seek to have acceptance from others and many times a coach can be the conduit to that acceptance and thus to the chemistry that can develop between unfamiliar athletes.  Frankly, it is probably a big part of the secret sauce for many coaches who have found success… Chemistry.

So as I think about life, I can clearly see how chemistry works to a person’s benefit in their every day life.  People around me who I have an affinity towards, clients who have come to trust and know me have valued that chemistry and this is always for our mutual success.  Team members I work with who get me and who I get – we have a chemistry.  We allow each other to just be… we have a chemistry that is to our mutual benefit.

As you go about your every day – regardless of what you do – play sports, go to school, work or parent – remember  chemistry can add to your success and those around you if you nurture it and spend time developing it, it can be very powerful.

So I ask, what have you given of yourself today.  Was their an elderly lady on the bus – whom you gave up your seat.  Did you hold the door for that mom who had a baby in her hands.  Did you offer a moment of listening to someone who was having a hard day.   Kindness and goodness can come from anyone – you don’t have to be AP to do it – it sure is nice… but you don’t have to be.

Check out the interview on www.melindajacobs.com

When parents choose to coach their children they have the power to make line up decisions, play decisions, practice decisions and so on… however if they are only making those choices for their children and not the rest of the players this is when they are not taking the responsibility necessary for the position.  This responsibility falls on every youth coach in America, regardless of why they are coaching they have the responsibility of their players to keep in mind to teach all of them the skills of the game -just being called Coach can’t and shouldn’t be all they aspire too.

Same power and responsibility dichotomy goes with being a parent,  if you have kids you know you have a lot of power to make them brush their teeth, comb their hair, make their bed, take out the trash and so on but you also have the same power and responsibility to teach them right from wrong, how to be good citizens, friends and people.  How to study hard and aim for greatness.  If you shirked that responsibility you would be rolling the dice at who your children turn out to be.

There are also ways to exercise power and responsibility for the good at work.  If you are a CEO, director, manager or worker you have some sort of power in your position.   When we are given a promotion or a new position we are given more power to act in that situation – when we don’t take that power and responsibility seriously and act accordingly we fail, our businesses fail and our people fail.

As an athlete you have the power to play a position for the great good of your team.  Let’s take football as an example; when you take the responsibility of your role for granted and don’t block or tackle the way the game of football requires you could lose the game or even worse one of your team mates could get hurt.  With power comes great responsibility

I look back on my life as an athlete, student and business woman and I see instances where people in my life have taken the power they have had and created situations for me to be successful.  I also see times when that hasn’t happened.  I am going to choose to focus on the times where power and responsiblity have been taken to their greatest hieights and use the times I see where people just want the title to have the title and learn from that.

For our children, we will continue to work to put them in situations where the people who are coaching/teaching them see the power and responsibility in front of them and use it wisely, and when they run into those who just want the title – we will use it as yet another life lesson.

Here is what happened.  Friday evening I picked my son up from football practice and I sensed something was wrong.  Upon prodding him for several minutes he said – you want to know the truth.  Well – yeah!  He proceeded to tell me he got #43.  I said well why are you upset?  The other team got to pick their numbers and the coach just randomly passed out the numbers to the rest of us.  So I proceeded to tell him to make the best of it, it was about how he played that mattered.

Well – boy was I wrong.  When the High School game ended and we got into the jersey number conversation with my husband, the coach.. he proceeded to coach me on the importance of a players number.   Now I understand, it is usually symbolic of something, it is a players coat of arms.  It is taken serious and some times very ceremonious.  He schooled me on how OJ Simpson chose Jim Browns Number, Marcus Allen chose OJ Simpson’s number and so on.   My son has always requested to wear his dad’s number, which only happened once in four years, but he usually got a number that was another player he emulated.  This year – we had to dig to find a player he could relate to who wore #43.  Troy Palamalou.  True he is a safety and that is a position my son plays along with runningback.  So I started thinking, do the players who wear these numbers get how important their numbers are to the y0uth who follow them?

Then as I always do because this is why I write this blog.  I started thinking how does this relate to life.  And I remembered a philosophy I have lived with for over 22 years of my career.  What you wear to work is how you conduct your day.  Let me explain further.  I have always aspired to dress professionally – so people take me seriously.  This started early on when I was in television.  As a female in the 80′s covering professional sports (one of few women at that time) it was important that I conveyed the right message.  Then as I worked in professional basketball – I wanted to be taken seriously – because again – not many women in that sport’s front office.  I took that with me in my post sports career and into the office.  I felt confident when I showed up to work early in my career dressed crisp.  I felt like I could conquer anything.  I still feel that way.  Although work casual life styles have really made it hard – I aspire to wear what gives me confidence every day.

So what’s in a number – I guess a lot – confidence in one self can come from many things – yes even in a number.

As for my son – he is fine – he will wear #43 and wear it proud – and I know he will do great things with that number this year.

Why does it seem that in our society today this has been lost?  I see it too much in my every day life.  I think if people would stop and think for a moment about their words and actions – maybe we could get back to a place of decency.

It seems all to lately we are barraged with video clips of people just plain out disrespecting others, then because we are in a video-centric world they get to go back on video and apologize.  Why must we apologize so often.  We wouldn’t have to if we  just followed the golden rule.

Everything has to be fast…right now..quick…easy…today…this moment.  But think about it.  When was the last time you had to apologize, probably not too long ago.  I remember…and frankly it was because I wasn’t thinking, I was trying to say something too fast and it came out wrong.  If I had just thought about the golden rule.. do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  I would have taken a moment to think about my words and have them make sense to the person I was communicating too.

I was trying to explain to my son that this cryptic way kids communicate now can’t be productive.. HAHAHAAH, LOL, ROTFLMAO, IDK, etc. etc.   Maybe I should start a new one DUO..  (Do Unto Others).  The social media generation has taken communication and the way they speak and treat each other to a whole new level.  If you don’t know what I am talking about – just take a look at your kids facebook page.  AMAZING!  I encourage every mother of a child living under their roof to monitor their kids facebook page.  Part of my job as a professional marketing communications executive is to manage businesses reputation.  Well parents, if you aren’t managing your kids online reputation you had better.   These things they are saying either in text, chat or on facebook are things that can seriously damage their reputation and some of them really do break the golden rule.

When I started thinking about the Golden Rule I googled it.  Did you know the golden rule applies in every single religion.  In every culture around the world -the golden rule can be interpreted about the same.  Do right by others, be kind, treat people the way you want to be treated.   The Buddhists say – “Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.”

So in a nutshell my friends, the Golden Rule generally means one should behave to others in the same way one wishes to be treated. However, the Golden Rule is not a guarantee that one will get ideal treatment. Instead it is a hope that possibly, someday, each person will treat everyone else with kindness and will receive kindness from others.

So today I hope you DUO

The song, brother, sister..

don’t you let your young life get you down, its always had a certain mystery many changes come to everyone about the time they turn seventeen.  Grandma (dad) said at times you’ll feel a sting, there’ll be sharp turns and uphills and closed doors then she (he) said hold on to your faith cause in this world you’ve got to go and get yours.

so you stand up be strong go out there hold on to the real things that matter cause no one’s gonna hand it to you on a silver platter

there’s no need to feel you’re on your own just let your intuition guide you through take one step toward what you believe don’t be afraid to make your move.  in my head those words remind me what grandma (dad) said at times you feel a sting there’ll be sharp turns and uphills and closed doors then she (he) said hold on to your faith don’t be scared go out there just stand up be strong go out there hold on to the real things that matter cause no one’s gonna hand them to you on a silver platter.

Our 13 year old has started a new school, which means new teachers, new friends, new coaches, and the opportunity to prove himself all over again in the many things he loves and cherishes.  The first week of school proved to be a challenge – but we are so proud of him and his resilience to the ignorance of familiarity.  And we kindly thank those who have reached out to him and provided genuine friendship.   I have often relished the chance at meeting new people, experiencing their thoughts, talents and life experiences.  Well – that doesn’t happen much at 13.  Too bad – because I believe my son is one of the really wonderful people out there.  He is friends with everyone, never has a bad word to say about another, would give the shirt off his back – like his dad – and usually has a smile.  Unless I tell him to make his bed.

So this morning’s life lesson in the form of lyrics was something I hope he takes with him each and every day.  More importantly we can all take it in these tough economic times.   so you stand up be strong go out there hold on to the real things that matter cause no one’s gonna hand it to you on a silver platter

Now to those of you who are taking time out of your day to read this who just don’t care about sports.  Relate this same thing to your work life.  Sometimes it is not the player but the coach.  Most of us are coaches in our workplace and we are constantly complaining about our coworkers or direct reports.  To those complaints I say… sometimes its not the (player) worker its the (coach) boss.  Some “Bosses” can’t see that they aren’t directing or teaching their workers the right way — they can only see there way… it is a hard position to be in.. but if you are a (Coach) or Boss.. try and look for new ways to teach or motivate your (players) or workers.  What can it hurt?

“Expect to Win!  Hope is nice, hoping to win is nice, but expecting to win, that gets the job done. ” I started thinking about the people I know in every day life, both in sports and in life that expect things to happen and those that hope things happen.  My neighbor for instance – about a year ago she was diagnosed with an advanced stage of cancer – from the beginning she expected to beat the cancer.  She EXPECTED to beat the cancer.  Today I am here to tell you she closed her caring bridge page, saw her daughter off to college and is as happy as ever.  I have never told her this, but I love seeing her – she beams with expectations.  She expects great things from her life and she gets them.  Expect to win!

We have all run into people who hope and mope about what they want, what they should have and what they deserve, but do they ever EXPECT it.  Probably not.  This economy has been rough on a lot of people.  It has been a hard year for many – many people, losing their jobs, getting their pay cut, losing their homes and cars but I am willing to bet those people that EXPECT things to get better are sleeping better at night and are probably a lot more fun to be around.

My husband relates this theory of expectation to football.  His team has a tough schedule and a championship season to live up to – some talent has left – but they EXPECT to win, they EXPECT to repeat their championship season and I know they will – I EXPECT it.

Websters defines the word EXPECT as follows: to look forward to; regard as likely to happen; anticipate the occurrence or the coming of:

So today I say, Expect to win – Expect to get good grades – Expect to have success- Expect to have great love in your life – Expect to win friends – Expect to win new business – EXPECT only the best and I believe you will have it and while expecting those great things in your life – you will also be a lot easier to be around